1. |
Failure to Launch
03:40
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After a while I’m sick of dependence
I'm sick of being somebody’s problem
Why does it feel so scary
To be angry, to want things?
Is it the fear of rejection?
Fear of abandonment?
Falling from grace with it?
I’m reaching into myself
Bringing into the light
Parts that I’ve repressed
I'm trying to feel myself
For the first time
I’m not feeling depressed
I've been trained in the art of coyness
Equating confidence with cockiness
Holding my hand to my heart and saying
I don’t deserve attention
Growing up everyone felt so inclined
To dress me up and tell me what a woman does
I sang pretty songs and won competitions
But noow I’m reaching into myself
Bringing into the light
Parts that I’ve repressed
I'm trying to feel myself
For the first time
I’m not feeling depressed
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2. |
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Britney spears in the bathtub
Mom encouraged wearing makeup
Titanic poses on the porch
The neighbor’s dog poop in the front yard
Paper chain links and Janet Jackson
Playing surfer standing in the backseat
Birthday parties in the yard
I’m turning 24 next week
I still don't know what I want
In presents or in general
Heaven was 6 years old
And sunlight under parachutes
Making forts in the living room
I wanna have a birthday party
With a trampoline and hot dog contest
I want my parents to celebrate me
Bake me a cake and push my face into it
Im 24 (she’s 24)
Going on 6 years old
Biking ‘round the cul de sac
Matzo ball soup to cure a cold fast
Cannonballing into the deep end
Playing Marco Polo every weekend
Summer camps and extracurriculars
Having scabs all over our exteriors
I’ve got all these scars and memories
It’s bitter but most sweet
There’s a first and last time for everything
I wanna fall asleep in the backseat
Of my mom and dad’s SUV
After a long night of socializing
Have my dad sweep me off my feet
And carry me to bed
Like I’m a baby again
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3. |
Mimi's Lullaby
03:37
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Windows down
Sunglasses on
One hand’s on the wheel
And one hand off
Smell of perfume
Mixed with butterscotch
The leather is hot
The radio is on
Sunburns, her long nails
My head in her lap
Combing my hair as I cry
Singing until I shut my eyes
Summer nights
Wrapped up in a towel
Dripping all over the house
To go take a shower
Every concert
Every graduation
In the bleachers
Every sports occasion
Chocolates and game shows
And noisy bracelets
Mexico New Years
And nine grandchildren
Tried every wig
Picked every flower
And sang every song
Knowing those would be
Her last hours
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4. |
Arrested Development
04:09
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Dressing us in matching shirts
Grandma sneaks us off to church
Wrap our arms around each other
I am barely six years old
Grandma cries out of control
Hands me something I'm too small to hold
I am a locked drawer
I am a locked drawer
I am a locked drawer
I am a locked drawer
When you grow up
Grow up to fast
Bury your past
Too close to the surface
Some people don’t grow up
They just get older
Their babies keep digging
Their sands for treasure
My sister’s claimed all the
Valuable furniture
And my brothers have both got
All of her artwork
And I am a locked drawer
Full of her secrets
Someday she will go
And I’ll have to keep ‘em
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5. |
Mallory
03:53
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Playing songs in my parents’ house
When I dropped out of college
She stuck around
And when I couldn’t get out of bed
When I’d obsess over every word I said
Mallory
Believed in me
Driving around with no place to be
I'm always safe when she’s with me
All you need is one friend
All you need is one friend
All you need is one friend
One friend
One friend
One fried
Like Mallory
Mallory
Mallory
Playing shows in the strangest towns
Me, her, and Madi think we’re rockstars now
We share the same taste in music
As our dads did like we’re 80s kids
Now that they’re older now
We’re older now
We dream about having detached garages
Saving up money and building houses
All you need is one friend
All you need is one friend
All you need is one friend
One friend
One friend
One fried
Like Mallory
Mallory
Mallory
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6. |
Let the Light In
02:27
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Before drifting off to sleep
We played her home movies
With her family all at her feet
And her two best friends telling stories
Hanging on her every murmur
Begging for life from a lifeless figure
When suddenly her hand would squeeze mine
They’d say “Come on Bell,
Sing it one more time”
“My Funny Valentine,”
Come on Mimi, give us a sign
Finally she fell asleep
I felt her warmth leave
Then we opened up the curtains
We opened them to let the light in
Then we opened every window
We opened them up to let her go
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7. |
Oliver
03:41
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Hazel eyes and your gap-toothed smile
Crying out at me in your infancy
Oh hazel eyes, you pissed in our sister’s mouth
And ate your own shit on the balcony in Cancun
What a tasty surprise
Oh Oliver
Let it go
Oh Oliver
Oh Oliver
You were the first to piss me off, make me mad,
You were the first person I cursed
I just wanted the front seat
But you wouldn’t give me it
So I slapped you across the face and
Kicked you in the ball sack
And I flipped you off
Oh Oliver
Let it go
Oh Oliver
Oh Oliver
I know how it feels
To be left out
I was the youngest
‘Til you came around
And what goes around
Is sure to come around
And now you're a man
Taking your anger out
On your newly installed closet door
Feeling insecure
Oh Oliver let it go
Oh Oliver I hope it shows
I love you more than you’ll ever know
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8. |
Olivia
03:02
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I don't know what to do with myself
When I don't feel good
So I call up my sister
And tell her I've missed her
Oh Olivia
Scraping our knees on the sewer concrete
Wearing our mother’s heals
Never acting our age
Playing games
Til someone got hurt
Olivia
Olivia
Olivia
Snooping through your drawers while you're out
Trying to get close to you
Piecing you together
By trying on your sweaters
And playing house
You could turn my day around
With just one loving embrace
Hold me in your arms
And I know everything will be okay
Olivia
Olivia
Olivia
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9. |
Rough Terrain
03:27
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To sustain its flame
And like the flowers depend
Vitally on the falling rain
I’m learning how to treat
My body like a conduit
My blemishes are more than
Futile disadvantages
And when you touch me
I'm aware of all the obstacles
But my acne scars and stretch marks
Are strictly topographical
I'm a rough terrain but I’m
Smooth around the edges
Tumbled by a thousand waves
Out in the trenches
Like a perfect waves needs
The seabed to determine it’s shape
I’m hardly flat I’d make the
Greatest fucking shore break
Ride it fast until the whitewash
Carries you away from my
Rough terrain
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10. |
Cowboy Song
04:35
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Roller coasters
Race car driving down
I-5 eating In-N-Out
No more henna tattoos
Bare ass on a sand dune
Singing “Papa can you hear me?”
Getting bagels Sunday mornings
When he’s barely walking
He’ll still be horseback riding
In his Levi’s and his loafers
When he’s barely talkin’
He’ll still be flippin’ you off
He’ll be whistling with his fingers
Hittin’ on all the waiters
He’ll still be working
’Til the gears in his head stop turning
Even when he’s on his last leg
He’ll still be making a profit
No more road trips
No more Bonnie and Clyde
No more roadside wildflowers
Now I’m counting every hour
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11. |
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Lying awake on the pull out couch
In the basement of my grandmas house
Charlie Parker echoes down the staircase
I rarely saw you smile
She was 21 in the fine arts quad
Watching the architects across the yard
There you were writing in your notebook
Laughter filled the air
What does it mean to give everything
When your life has just begun?
“I knew that he’d be good to me”
She said as I sat listening
I was 17 with a lot to say
But I didn’t have the words that day
To say goodbye before the call was over
Just static in the air
What does it mean to say anything
When your life has just begun
What does it mean to give everything
When your only 21
“I knew that he’d be good to me”
She said as I sat listening
I knew that she meant everything
She said as I sat listening
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12. |
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